One of My Favourites

I Couldn't Work in a Circus

My life has become a constant juggling act, one second I know what I want to do with my life and the next I get this other idea in my head on where my future lies. One second I'm up and the next I'm back down. This whole juggling act just makes me feel exhausted because I just keep dropping the balls.

I sometimes wish I had those parents who raise their children telling them exactly what they will do in life, and the child just nods and agrees. They have it easy! They don't have to map out their lives and don't have to worry about the constant question that every child has of "What do I want to be when I'm older?" I am now older! and I still have no bloody clue. These lucky people can just focus on what they have been told and just get on and do it, while here I am contemplating life and what I should do with it when I could be either studying, eating or just having a damn life.

But I would have probably rebelled and then run away from home and become that weird homeless person who roams the streets if I had parents like that. I am way too head strong and have far too many opinions.

I can not wait until my last year of university next year because then i can focus on my major and my minor and that's it! I won't have to worry about whether I will get in or not, cause once I'm in that's it. Whatever major option I get into next year will be the deciding factor for the rest of my life.

Pft who am I kidding I will probably change my mind at least a dozen more times before I actually graduate.

BANKS - This Is What It Feels Like (Prod. Lil Silva & Jamie Woon)

Daddy Issues

It's the awkward time in the year again when we celebrate half of the reason why we even exist today, Father's Day.

Yes it's awkward for me because you could say I do not have the greatest relationship with my father. It will be the brief text saying "happy fathers day, hope you have a good day x" and the reply will be "thanks".

I understand that we should appreciate our parents, but it is hard to do so when one parent just does not know anything about you, it's difficult.

It was not always like this, I use to be Daddy's little girl. There are pictures of me sitting on his lap all smiling and happy or building a sandcastle together. I look at these and wonder how did we ever drift so far apart.

So now my little rant is over I will get back to drinking my wine and I will appreciate all the amazing people I have in my life. 

The Kite String Tangle - Given The Chance

Jamie Campbell Bower - Waiting (Original) - Ont' Sofa Gibson Sessions

Blasting in my earphones 2

My future looks like a magazine

My ever growing magazine collection.

It has come to that time again when I have to choose what major I want to pursue in my last year of university next year, and I am even more confused and conflicted about what I want to do.

I moved up to Auckland with one goal in my mind: to get into the journalism major. But things changed, as they do quite often with me.

The first half of this year was rough on me, I wasn't in the right frame of mind and I became somewhat depressed as I felt that I was not good at university altogether. I went home for two weeks and got away from the city which gave me time to sit, chill and think.

So far this semester has been great and I have begun to remember why I made the move up to Auckland, I want to work for a fashion magazine.

I love fashion, I might not have the money to buy the clothes I want but that doesn't stop me from opening Vogue Australia or Remix and appreciating every single piece of clothing and imaging what I could wear or what would suit me.

So now that it has come to the time to pick majors I know I want to do journalism. But first I have to get the good grades so I can be accepted into journalism next year.

The best I can do is take one step at a time and stay true to what I believe I am capable of and that is that I will one day work for a fashion magazine.

Mt Cook Photo Diary

Shapeshifter- In Colour

Exam Time Part 1

Like the picture says I should be studying for my exams, but with study comes procrastination. During my great procrastination moment I thought "I'm putting all this time and effort in to a two hour or three hour exam, why?"

There is so much pressure to do well in exams when in the real work environment they don't tell you to sit down for three hours and write three essays in order to keep your job, or do they? did I skip that class where they told us this actually happens?

So much of my life right now is dedicated to study and I hope like hell it will all be worth it at the end of the day, otherwise I'll just end up working at Burger King for the rest of my damn life on minimum wage...NOT COOL!!

So to everyone out there going through exams or who will eventually do exams GOOD LUCK and remember if you study hard then it will be worth it in the end, and when you reach that end you will forever have your student loan to remind you of those long nights studying and pointless lectures you once attended.

Sean Mackey- New Zealand Sprawl

Love this song, it's my new chill out and relax song.

The SOL - Hey Little Girl

My new favourite video and song, I love it!!

Bad Day

 

Today has not been a good day to say the least and right now all I want to do is sleep but I have an essay to write, so I am surviving on tea to help keep me going through the night right now (I was tempted to buy an energy drink, but I don't like the idea of putting that into my system!) 

I thought every thing was on track until I couldn't get hold of one of my sources for another assignment that is due tomorrow! and now I have to talk to her tomorrow, frantically write up my story and then hand it in. I half blame myself for this because I should have contacted her on Monday but I didn't, but ringing her for four hours when we planned a time to talk and her not picking up is not helpful either. 

And then to make matters worse I have an assignment due on Monday which I do not have a clue what I am doing for it.

I can not wait until the holidays!

Pink Bible

So it's that time of the year again when Uni work comes crashing down on me like a brick wall and all I can think is when am I ever going to break free, it feels like never.

This year is one of the most crucial years as it will determine what major I get into for my third and final year, and all I can think about is what if I don't get into any major, what then? I would have wasted two years of my life (not even going to mention my student loan) all for nothing. You would think that I would be working harder with all this burden dragging me further under the brick wall, but I feel like I'm not, I'm stuck in the same habits for study as what I have always had, WHERE IS THE MOTIVATION!

That led me to this:

I can always rely on Treasure Yourself by Miranda Kerr to get me through the tough days. This positive affirmation has made me stop and think that I choose how successful I want to be in life and one thing I want to be successful in is my future career, and that starts with working hard at university.

So tomorrow I am cracking into my essay and giving it everything I have to get a top mark to show to myself that if I put my mind to it and put all my effort into it hopefully my efforts will be rewarded one day.

I Love Who?

Nights like tonight is when I hate my bed, it's too big for one person. I may not know what it is like to have a strong embrace around me, but that doesn't mean I don't crave it. Cause I do, nearly every night.

It's always the same question: "So anyone your interested in?" or "Have you meet anyone recently?" and it's always the same answer, "No." Followed by a lie: "I like being single, it's fun. Plus I don't have time for a relationship." Followed by a fake smile to get everyone off my back.

People don't see it, they don't see that I hate being single, that I hate that fact that I have never told someone I love them because deep inside it kills me.

I feel like it will never happen to me, and why is that? why don't I get to experience this feeling? I feel like something is wrong with me that I will forever be repeating the statement above. What will happen to me?

People tell me don't go looking for it, it will happen when you least expect it. Well I am still waiting.

I am 21 years old and I have never fallen in love, never been held in an embrace overnight, never been told that I am beautiful by that someone special and I have never whispered the words

"I Love You"

A Sisters Birthday

So today it is my older sisters birthday, and unfortunately I am not with her to celebrate her birthday like she was for mine although I will be seeing her in two days time when I visit home for Easter.

So since I am not with her today I thought I would give her a dedication on my page.

My sister and I have a very strong bond after all we have been through together and I can imagine it will only get stronger as the years go on. Some days she drives me crazy and other days she is the only one who understands what I am going through, and through it all I know she will always be there for me and I for her that's the great thing about a sisters bond it's unbreakable.

So Happy 23rd Birthday to my amazing, smart and beautiful sister I can't wait to see you in two days time.

My summer in a nutshell

This post has been a long time coming now, but with unforeseen circumstances it meant the delay in this post. However I am here to give you a list of my highs and lows for summer, as summer is now officially over in the southern hemisphere and autumn is slowly making itself known here in Auckland.
So here we go:

The Highs

• Having four months off Uni to enjoy the summer months was spectacular and possibly a very rare occurrence so I tried to soak up as much of it as I could.
• I turned 21 this summer!
• My birthday wish came true, that was for my family to spend my birthday in Auckland with me and half of my family surprised me by coming up which was AMAZING!
• Moving house and meeting my amazing new flat mates who are from all over the world, so I now have even more connections for when I travel.
• I read an inspirational book that has changed my life.
• I have become a more healthier person and do regular exercise which has resulted in me losing weight.
• It was my first summer away from home and I managed to support myself (with some help from my mother now and then) by working hard, and I feel I am a more independent person because of it.
• I only got sun burnt twice which is a new record.
• Going home for Christmas was a major high point as I miss them dearly.
• Getting to know all the locals who come into work was an unexpected bonus.
• My childhood friend came up to see me for a weekend, it was a great weekend.

The Lows

• Working for a majority of the summer meant I didn't get out as much as I would have liked.
• Spending New Years alone was a buzz kill night, and having to work the next morning made me feel even more lonely.
• Moving out of my old apartment was sad as I loved the place and I miss my old flat mate at times.
• Catching the worst flu right at the end of summer was not fun! (that is why this is being posted late)
• Getting sun burnt is never fun!
• Realising that I do not own a bikini because I am unsure about my body.
• Did not save as much money as I was hoping to. 

For my first summer in Auckland I would say it was a pretty successful one. Of course like anything there are low points but I'm becoming a more positive person and focusing on the positives in life and embracing what surrounds me.
I have to say that I am grateful for the amazing summer I had, but I am looking forward to some cooler months that are ahead as well.
So goodbye summer and hello autumn!

Beach and Lanterns: Another great saturday

I was lucky enough to have a whole weekend off work, so I took the most of it by visiting Mission Bay and going to the Chinese Lantern Festival.

Mission Bay is such a beautiful place and the weather was stunning. I collected some sea shells which now I will be googling what to do with them, I relaxed in the sun (got a little bit burnt) and of course went to Kiwiyo and treated myself to some amazing frozen yoghurt.

That night my flatmates and I ventured to the Chinese Lantern Festival which is held to celebrate the Chinese New Year, and it was crazy busy I was shocked and a little overwhelmed. We even got half a watermelon and managed to eventually finish it off, it was amazing but I think I ate my weight in watermelon! The lanterns were beautiful and there were so many, my favourite is the last photo.

Flat bonding, beach, lanterns and such a beautiful day it was a very good Saturday.

Wine, Zoo and Fire: What every weekend needs

This weekend a friend visited me from my little hometown in the South Island, and for the first time in what has felt like months I had the whole weekend off. So I made the most of it by doing what any normal person would do, which is going to the zoo. It has to be one of my favourite places to go to in Auckland as the animals always have a way of making you happy, excited about life and also makes you feel slightly like a child. 

Other than the zoo we of course had some wine, went out on Friday night, ate far too much food (but who can resist Movenpick) and early this morning (Sunday here in NZ) 6am to be exact, the fire alarm went off which meant evacuating the building while three fire trucks pulled up to turn off the false alarm.

So you could say it was a pretty eventful weekend.